How to Have Difficult Conversations with Employees (With Scripts & Examples)

Are you dreading a tough conversation with an employee? No one likes telling someone their performance isn’t meeting expectations or discussing salary.

According to a study by Bravely, 70% of employees regularly avoid difficult conversations at work. Instead of addressing problems head-on, most people hope the issue resolves itself. Whereas in reality, avoidance only makes things worse.

Whether it’s discussing poor performance, compensation, or letting someone go, avoiding tough conversations damages trust, lowers morale, and creates bigger problems down the road.

But you don’t have to dread these conversations anymore. This step-by-step guide will help you navigate them with confidence, including:

• How to prepare for a tough conversation.
• How to handle emotional reactions like anger, tears, defensiveness.
• Word-for-word scripts for tough scenarios such as performance reviews, compensation. conversations, managing poor performance, and letting someone go. 

Let’s dive in!

5 Steps to Having Difficult Conversations with Employees

Difficult conversations don’t have to be stressful or chaotic. When handled calmly and with confidence, they build trust, set clear expectations, and improve performance. But the key is preparation. You can’t just wing it and hope for the best.

Follow these 5 steps to make tough conversations clear, direct, and effective, while preserving relationships.

Step 1: Preparing for the Conversation

Most difficult conversations go sideways because managers aren’t clear on what they want to achieve. If you don’t know the goal, how can the employee be expected to know?

• Clarify the goal. Be clear on the purpose and outcome of the conversation. 
• Anticipate their reaction. Employees respond to tough conversations in different ways. They either get defensive, shut down, become over-apologetic or defensive. Be ready for any of these responses. Role play with a colleague to practice and see how they would react.
• Gather evidence. Productive difficult conversations are grounded in facts. Avoid vague feedback like “You need to be more proactive”. Collect specific examples and have them ready before the conversation. Use Elevate’s No-Drama Feedback Model to prepare your feedback.
• Choose the right place. If you’re conducting this in-person, find a private, neutral space. The no-go zones are in front of peers and your office (it’ll feel like an interrogation). If it’s done remotely, use video calls with the camera turned on. 

Step 2: Setting the Right Tone

The way you start a difficult conversation sets the stage for everything that follows. If employees feel attacked, they’ll shut down. If they feel heard, they’ll engage. Your job is to create a conversation, not a confrontation. Lower defenses, choose your words wisely, and stay calm. 

Here’s how to set the right tone for a difficult conversation with an employee:

• Open the conversation. The rule of thumb is to start with a positive note and get a verbal agreement from this. You can say, “I wanted to talk to you about how we might communicate better together. Are you open to having that conversation now?”
• Use open & curious language. Avoid blame (“You always…”). Instead, invite discussion (“I’ve noticed X. What’s your perspective?”)
• Stay calm & neutral. Pay attention to your tone and facial expressions. If you sound or look irritated, they’ll react to your frustration rather than your words. People subconsciously pick up emotional cues more than verbal ones.

Step 3: Presenting the Issue

Once the conversation is open, it’s time to clearly lay out the issue. This isn’t about pointing fingers; it’s about stating the facts, identifying the root cause, and working toward a solution. The key is to be specific, objective, and constructive so the other person fully understands what needs to change.

Stick to facts, not opinions. Be direct, clear, and objective, and avoid vague statements or sugarcoating. After outlining the issue, shift the focus to its cause. Is it a misunderstanding, a skills gap, or a larger challenge at play?

This step should feel like a conversation, not a lecture. Allow them space to respond, ask questions, and take ownership of the situation.

Step 4: Handling Emotional Reactions

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Let’s be real, tough conversations don’t always go smoothly. Employees don’t just nod and say, “Thanks for the feedback! I’ll fix it right away.” Instead, they may shut down, get defensive, argue, or break down. When that happens, how would you manage it?

First, give them space to process their emotions. Pause after asking a question or if you notice their emotions taking over. 

Second, observe their reaction. Are they getting defensive? Or are they shutting down? Each reaction requires a slightly different way of responding.

Third, respond accordingly. Acknowledge their emotions, stay neutral or calm, and refocus on solutions. 

• If they get defensive, you can say, “I can see that this is frustrating. My goal is not to criticize, but to help you succeed. Let’s focus on solutions. What can we do to improve this?”
• If they shut down, say, “I can see you’re thinking about this. I want to hear your perspective. What’s on your mind?”
• If they break down, try saying, “I can see this is upsetting. Let’s take a moment. Would you like a break before we continue?”
• If they get angry, try: "I can see this is really frustrating for you, and I want to understand what’s on your mind. Let’s take a moment, and when you’re ready, we can figure out the best way forward together." In most cases, telling someone to calm down has the opposite effect. 

Step 5: Moving Forward

The goal of a difficult conversation is making sure something actually changes. The worst thing you can do is have a tough talk, get through the awkwardness, and then have everything stay status quo. The employee needs clear takeaways, ownership over their improvement, and a structured way to track progress.

Here’s how to end the conversation so that the change sticks.

• Summarize the key takeaways. For example, “Here’s what we discussed today: You’ve been missing deadlines because of workload issues, and we agreed that you’ll prioritize communication when things become overwhelming. You’ll give me a heads-up at least 3 days before a deadline if you need support.”
• Hold them accountable. Ask a simple but powerful question: "What’s one action you will take this week to improve?"
• Schedule a follow-up. Lock in a follow-up date to track progress and keep the momentum going. Schedule it on a calendar immediately.
• End on a constructive, encouraging note. Even if the conversation was tough, leave them with a sense of possibility. Show confidence and trust in their ability to improve. This leaves the employee feeling motivated instead of discouraged.

Difficult Conversation Scenarios (Step-by-Step Examples & Templated Scripts)

Scenario 1: Compensation Conversation

Step 1: Preparing for the Conversation

Before sitting down with your employee, clarify 3 key things:

• The goal. What do you want this conversation to achieve? Do you want to deliver compensation changes clearly while reinforcing company philosophy? Or address employee concerns proactively while keeping the conversation forward-focused?

• Their reactions. What reactions do you anticipate from the other person? Write a response plan to ensure you don’t get caught off guard.
• Evidence. Employees want to know why they’re receiving a certain salary adjustment (or why they aren’t). Be prepared to explain how decisions are made, where they stand within their salary band, any additional comp changes, and how their contributions influenced the decision.

Pro Tip: Set expectations months before review season by explaining how compensation works in a team-wide meeting. This reduces surprises.

Manager Prep Checklist:

• Do I have all compensation data written down?

• Am I confident in explaining the rationale?

• Have I anticipated potential objections?

Step 2: Setting the Right Tone

Employees are waiting for the number, so be clear and direct. Start with, “I appreciate us having this conversation today. I know compensation is an important topic, and I want to be fully transparent with you.” 

Then, state the numbers clearly. For example, “Your base salary will increase by X% to [New Salary], and you’ll receive a bonus of $Y. There are also adjustments to your benefits that I’ll outline."

Finally, pause and let them process before continuing. Many managers feel uncomfortable with silence, but rushing to over-explain can make things worse.

Step 3: Presenting the Issue

Once you’ve stated the facts, explain the reasoning behind the decision based on the employee’s specific situation.

• If they received an increase: Reinforce what they did well and how their work aligned with compensation criteria. Example: “Your salary increase reflects your contributions, particularly in [specific achievements]. We recognize your impact and are committed to your continued growth.”
• If their increase was smaller than expected: Connect it to company philosophy and pay bands. Example: “I know you were hoping for a bigger increase. You are currently in the upper range of your salary band, which affects how adjustments are made. I want to focus on ways we can position you for a bigger opportunity next cycle.”
• If there was no increase: Acknowledge their contributions but stick to the decision. Example: “I know this may be disappointing. I want to assure you that this decision is not a reflection of your value, but rather [budget constraints/market positioning]. Let’s focus on how we can align future opportunities to your career growth.”

Pro Tips:

• Avoid over-explaining. State the rationale and move forward.
• Don’t apologize for company decisions.
• Let them react before continuing the discussion.

Step 4: Handling Emotional Reactions

How do you handle emotional employees in difficult conversations? Compensation conversations can stir up strong emotions. Whether it’s frustration over a lower-than-expected increase or disappointment in receiving no raise at all, how you handle their reaction matters just as much as the message itself.

Here's how to navigate different reactions:

• If they are disappointed or frustrated: Show you hear them without debating the decision. Example: “I understand this is frustrating, and I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. I want to focus on ways we can support your career progression moving forward.”
• If they get defensive or push back: Acknowledge their feelings but set a boundary. Example: “I can see this isn’t what you were hoping for. I don’t think debating the decision will be productive, but I do want to focus on what we can do to set you up for success in the future.
• If they shut down or disengage: Encourage a constructive response. Example: “I want to make sure you feel heard. Would it be helpful to discuss what factors could contribute to a change in the next cycle?”

Failure Modes to Avoid:

• Blaming senior leadership: “This wasn’t my decision.” (Erodes trust.)
• Getting sucked into a debate: “Let’s discuss why this decision was made.” (Drags the conversation.)
• Making promises you can’t keep: “I’ll get you a raise next time.” (Unrealistic expectations.)

Step 5: Moving Forward

Productive compensation conversations don’t just end with the employee knowing their compensation. They should also set a path forward by setting clear next steps and regular check-ins. 

• Summarize key points. Reinforce the main takeaways to ensure clarity and alignment on what was discussed.
• Set clear next steps. Outline when they will receive official confirmation and when changes will take effect. If their compensation is unchanged, guide them toward future opportunities. Example: “I’d like to support your development over the next few quarters. Let’s explore skill-building opportunities to position you for future increases.”
• Schedule a follow-up check-in. Example: “I want to make sure you feel supported moving forward. Let’s touch base in [X months] to revisit career growth discussions.”

Scenario 2: Letting Someone Go

Letting someone go is one of the hardest conversations you will ever have. It’s emotional, uncomfortable, and comes with a high level of responsibility. The goal isn’t just to deliver the message, but to handle it professionally, humanely, and with empathy, ensuring the employee leaves with dignity while minimizing disruption for the rest of the team.

Here’s a step-by-step approach in navigating a termination conversation:

Step 1: Preparing the Conversation

• Plan your talking points, but keep it brief.  Don’t over-explain or justify excessively as this conversation isn’t a debate. Prepare a short, clear statement outlining why they are being let go. Expect emotional responses, but keep your main message consistent and firm to avoid confusion.
• Know the logistics and policies in advance. The moment you say, “Today will be your last day,” the employee will have immediate questions. Make sure you have answers to final paycheck and severance, benefits and PTO payout details, company property return process, IT access deactivation timing, and how this will be communicated to the team.
• Anticipate their reaction. Are they likely to be shocked, defensive, or emotional? Prepare how to respond. If they have previous performance warnings, be ready to reference them. If this is unexpected for them, ensure you have examples to support your decision.

Step 2: Setting the Right Tone

This conversation should be clear and firm, but also human. You’re delivering bad news, but how you do it determines how the employee will feel and perceive the company when they leave.

• Starting the conversation: Get to the point immediately. Don’t start with small talk. It prolongs the anxiety and makes it harder for both of you. Open with a clear, respectful statement, like, “This isn’t an easy conversation, but I want to be direct. Today will be your last day with the company.”
• Follow up with the reason: Stick to key points. This is not the time for a long, detailed explanation. You can say, “Here are the reasons for this decision: [State reasons briefly, referencing previous discussions, performance issues, or restructuring decisions]”

Step 3: Presenting the Issue

Once the employee has heard the decision, walk them through what happens next. This is where you provide structure, clarity, and reassurance. You can say, “I know this is a lot to take in, but I want to go over what happens next. HR has prepared an exit package outlining severance and benefits. Let’s review that together.”

Key Topics to Cover:

• Final paycheck and severance (if applicable)
• Benefits, unused PTO payout, healthcare continuation
• Returning company property (laptop, badges, etc.)
• IT account deactivation (when it will happen)
• How the team will be informed

Step 4: Handling Emotional Reactions

Knowing how to handle emotional employees in difficult conversations can keep things productive, even when emotions run high.

Every employee will react differently. Your job is to stay calm and professional while acknowledging their emotions. The overall best thing to do is to acknowledge their feelings without trying to “fix” them.

Common Reactions & How to Handle Them:

• If they break down: Pause. Give them a moment. Offer a tissue, a glass of water, or a moment alone. Acknowledge their feelings without over-explaining: “I know this is difficult. Take a moment if you need to.”
• If they get angry or defensive: Stay calm and neutral as much as you can. Reaffirm the decision is final, but don’t engage in an argument. Try saying, “I hear that this is frustrating for you. I want to make sure we focus on the next steps.”
• If they go silent: Some people shut down when upset. Give them time to process. Ask a gentle question: “I know this is a lot to take in. Do you have any questions about the process?”

Step 5: Moving Forward

Letting someone go involves more than just delivering the news. It’s about managing the transition in a smooth and professional manner.

• Wrap up the meeting. Once they have processed the news and reviewed the next steps, close the conversation with clarity. Try, “I appreciate the work you’ve done here. While this is a difficult transition, I want to support you in any way I can.” Or, “HR will send you a document summarizing everything we discussed today, and you can reach out if you have further questions.”
• Providing support (when appropriate). Only offer assistance that you genuinely intend to follow through on. Depending on the situation, consider offering: A reference or recommendation (if performance wasn’t an issue), career transition resources (resume help, networking contacts), or a farewell email or goodbye to the team.‍
• If the employee asks for more time. If it’s possible, give them a day to process before the official exit. If same-day termination is required, offer a chance to collect belongings privately.

Scenario 3: Addressing Poor Performance

Addressing poor performance is one of the most uncomfortable but necessary conversations a manager will have. The key is to act early, stay objective, and make it a collaborative process. Here’s how to structure the conversation to ensure the employee understands the issue, takes ownership, and has a clear plan to improve.

Step 1: Preparing for the Conversation

• Clarify the goal. Are you aiming to help them improve, or is this a final warning? What specific behaviors or outcomes need to change, and how will success be measured?
• Anticipate their reaction. Employees respond differently to critical feedback. Consider how the other person might process the feedback.
• Gather concrete evidence. This could include missed deadlines, incomplete work, quality concerns, customer complaints, peer feedback, or data-backed issues. Additionally, review any previous feedback given. Check whether it was documented, and if expectations were clear.

Manager Prep Checklist:

• Have I clearly set expectations before?

• Have I provided timely, constructive feedback?

• Am I approaching this with a problem-solving mindset, not frustration?

Pro Tip: Act early. Delaying the conversation only makes things worse. If an employee doesn’t know they’re underperforming, they’ll assume everything is fine. Instead, act as soon as you notice consistent underperformance and enter the conversation with confidence. Your role as a manager is to provide clarity, not avoid discomfort.

Step 2: Setting the Right Tone

The way you start this conversation determines how the employee will respond. If they feel attacked or blindsided, they will shut down or push back. If they feel supported, they will be more open to improving.

Diagnose the actual problem. Many performance issues stem from miscommunication, not a lack of capability. Before jumping to conclusions, diagnose the root cause by evaluating:

• Is it you? Have you clearly set expectations, or unintentionally micromanaged, making them feel disempowered? Have you given timely, actionable feedback or been vague?
• Do they fully understand what’s expected? Have they received concrete examples of improvement or misinterpreted your feedback or company expectations?
• What else is going on? Are personal challenges (stress, health, family issues) affecting their work? Are they feeling disengaged, undervalued, or burnout? Is the role a poor fit?

If the root cause is still unclear, dig deeper by asking open-ended questions to uncover what’s really going on. Sometimes, employees struggle to articulate challenges because they fear consequences, lack self-awareness, or haven’t connected the dots themselves.

Step 3: Presenting the Issue 

How do you tell an employee they need to improve performance without demotivating them? Lay out the problem clearly and collaboratively work toward a solution. 

• Use specific, fact-based examples to remove blame and defensiveness. 
• Frame the conversation as a joint effort to improve rather than a one-sided critique. 
• Give the employee ownership over their improvement plan instead of dictating every step.

Avoid saying,"You’re not performing well," or "You’re not as good as [colleague]," or "You need to do better." These are vague and don’t guide them on how to improve.

Instead try saying, “I’ve noticed that over the past 2 months, 3 of your reports have had incomplete data, and you’ve missed 2 deadlines. This is unlike your usual work, so I wanted to check in and see what’s happening. Let’s break this down together. What’s one step you think would help you meet deadlines more consistently?”

Pro Tip: Create a shared document where you co-design the improvement plan together. Include clear expectations (specific tasks, deadlines), support from the manager (coaching, training, check-ins), and accountability measures (weekly check-ins, self-reports)

Step 4: Handling Emotional Reactions

Performance feedback is personal, so expect emotions. Your role is to de-escalate while keeping the conversation focused on solutions.

Common Reactions & How to Handle Them

• If they get defensive: Acknowledge their feelings. Reinforce that this is about improvement, not punishment. Say, “I hear that this is frustrating, and I appreciate your perspective. My goal is to work with you on solutions, not just point out problems.”
• If they don’t think there’s a problem with their performance: Stick to data and examples to reinforce expectations. Try saying, “I understand that you may see things differently. However, here’s what I’ve observed based on clear performance metrics. Let’s talk about what needs to change moving forward.”
• If they shut down: Give them space to talk. Ask open-ended questions to re-engage them. You can say, “I can see this is a tough conversation. Let’s take a deep breath and talk about what support you need to succeed.”

Pro Tip: If emotions escalate, pause the conversation and reschedule a follow-up once they’ve had time to process.

Step 5: Moving Forward

If the employee is receptive, set clear next steps for improvement. 

To wrap up, reinforce the key takeaways by stating, “Here’s what we discussed today: Your recent missed deadlines, the reasons behind them, and our plan for improvement.” 

Then, get their commitment by asking, “What’s one step you will take this week to implement these changes?” 

Finally, set accountability by scheduling a follow-up: “I’ll check in with you again in 2 weeks to see how things are going and provide any extra support you might need.”

If no progress happens despite multiple efforts, it may be time to reevaluate their fit for the role. Ask yourself:

• Have I provided every reasonable opportunity for success?
• Is their lack of performance hurting team morale?
• Would they be happier in a different role or company?

Example Dialogue:
"We’ve had multiple conversations about performance over the past 3 months, but I haven’t seen the improvement we discussed. Unfortunately, if things don’t change within the next [timeframe], we’ll have to explore other options."

Pro Tip: If you’ve ever wondered how to discuss attitude problems with employees, the key is to focus on behaviors, not personalities. Keep the conversation solution-focused and avoid making it personal.

Mastering Difficult Conversations for Real Change

Difficult conversations are unavoidable in leadership. Whether it’s addressing poor performance, discussing compensation, or letting someone go, these moments define how you lead, how your employees grow, and how your company culture evolves. When handled well, they don’t just correct problems. They build trust, strengthen accountability, and create a culture of transparency.

But here’s the thing, one conversation won’t fix everything. Real change happens in the follow-up, the coaching, and the consistency of expectations. Employees need clear takeaways, structured plans, and ongoing support to make meaningful improvements.

Think about a tough conversation you’ve been avoiding. What’s stopping you from having it? Set a time. Plan your approach. And start the conversation. You’ll be a stronger leader for it.

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